Breathe Me
by PillsAndPearls
Summary: Reid attemtps to commit suicide, but not for a reason that the team suspects.


**I'm only a recent fan, but I was desperate to write a fic. I hope I did all the characters justice. I had to rely a lot on research here. Please, I'm asking for constructive criticsm. This is set two months after Reid is held hostage, by the way :)**

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It was exactly four minutes past two on Tuesday morning when Derek Morgan's cell phone rang. It rattled around on top of the small table beside his bed, and he only just picked it up in time before it fell off the edge. Still half asleep, he tucked it under his ear.

"Hello?" He greeted sleepily.

"Morgan. Morgan, you gotta help me" It was Reid, sounding a little high rated.

"Wassup?" Morgan mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"I t-took an over... dose" Reid sounded as though he could barely get his words out, his voice was slurred and tired all of a sudden.

"You what?!" Morgan cried, sitting up.

All he could hear was Reid's difficult breathing, and then the phone line went dead. Morgan jumped out of bed and pulled on the jeans that were hung over the arm chair in the corner of his bedroom. Whilst pulling a denim jacket over the old T-shirt he wore to sleep in, he started to dial a number. It rang a few times before a grumpy voice answered.

"This had better be good, Derek!" Hotch snapped.

---

Morgan and Hotch were sat quietly in the hospital waiting room, when the door suddenly flew open. JJ ran in, her coat and a pair of wellington boots thrown over her pajamas. Emily appeared close behind. Running her fingers through her blonde hair, JJ addressed Morgan, "Tell me exactly what happened" She ordered, sitting down across from her work colleagues.

"I got a call this morning, all he said was that he took an overdose" Morgan rubbed his face, "I called Hotch, and we broke into Reid's apartment. He was collapsed in his bathroom, with an empty pill bottle next to him and one that had just been opened beside it. There was an envelope too" He dug around in his pockets and produced a cream envelope.

"A suicide note?" Emily guessed.

"Nope. It has his own name on it" Morgan replied.

"Who's it off?" JJ enquiried.

"I don't know. I haven't opened it" Morgan said, putting it back into his pocket.

"I think we should wait until Spence wakes up until we read it. Its probably private" JJ announced. The other three gave her skeptical looks. JJ glared, "He'll wake up. What, you think he won't?" She demanded.

"We're all just a little scared right now. Calm down, okay?" Emily said, taking JJ's hand.

"Did anyone call David, Gideon or Garcia? They'd probably want to know about this" Hotch said.

"I'll call Garcia now. David isn't in town, but Gideon's on his way" Morgan said, taking out his cell phone and going outside.

"Hey, hot stuff. Early morning calls, so scandalous" Garcia purred down the phone when she answered.

"Reid took an over dose" Morgan cut her off.

"What?" Garcia gasped, "Oh God, why do I always have to say the wrong thing?"

"Don't worry about it, baby" Morgan soothed.

"Are you at the hospital?" Garcia asked.

"Yep. Come down, if you can" Morgan suggested.

"I'll be there in ten. I'll bring some coffee too, you don't want that hospital crap" Garcia added.

"Thanks, sugar" Morgan ended the call and went back inside.

"I wonder why he called you" JJ said when he sat back down.

"Obviously he changed his mind" Morgan shrugged.

JJ looked as though she were about to say something, when Gideon arrived."Hi" he said, sitting down. They all nodded at him.

A moment later Garcia arrived, juggling a tray of coffee in her hands. She handed them out, one cup was left. She blushed, "I got a cup for Reid by mistake. I'll just... Throw it away, shall I?" She said.

"Lets save it for him" JJ said, taking a sip of her own coffee.

"JJ, I don't think their going to let him have caffiene" Emily pointed out gently.

"Just don't throw it away, okay?" JJ snapped.

Inside, she was terrified that Reid would somehow slip away again. To JJ, throwing away the coffee meant throwing away hope.

There was silence for a while. Hotch went outside to take a phone call, and Morgan made a few trips to a vending machine. JJ gasped suddenly, and they all looked up. "I just tore half my fucking nail off!" She cried, nursing her hand to her chest. She had been biting her nails non-stop since the silence began.

Emily took out a file from her purse, and began to read through it.

"What are you doing?" JJ asked, incredulous.

"This case is almost solved. I can't let it fall behind now" Emily muttered, frowning in concentration.

"I can't believe you can even work at a time like this!" JJ hissed.

Emily looked up at her, "Reid is going to be fine, JJ. The hospital have it under control. There's nothing to worry about" She said. She turned back to her file, and JJ shook her head. Morgan glared at her to let it drop.

A nurse walked out. She was small, with wispy dark hair. She smiled gently, "Your friend's going to be okay. We managed to bring him back" She said.

JJ jumped up. "You mean he _died_?" She cried.

"Only for one minute" The nurse quickly assured her, "We're just doing some tests, and then you can see him".

They thanked her, and she walked away.

"I'm sorry, Emily. I just... I still feel like this is my fault" JJ sighed.

---

Reid looked awful. His skin was waxy and yellow. The dark circles under his eyes were more defined, and his hair looked lank. The team had never seem him look so frail. Morgan was the first to go over and speak to him. "Hey, man. Glad you called" He said, ever so slightly punching Reid's arm.

"I didn't want to do it" Reid said, his voice barely a whisper.

"Do what?" Morgan asked.

"Die" Reid shuffled uncomfortably under the sheets.

"Why did you do it?" JJ's voice was thick. She sat down beside Reid's bed, putting a hand on his arm. "It wasn't because of what happened with Hankel, was it?" She probed.

"No, I-I'm kind of over that now. Except for, you know..." Reid trailed off. He was referring to his drug addiction, which he had always kept private.

"Then why?" JJ sounded quite relieved.

"Did you find the letter?" Reid started.

"Yeah. Who's it from?" Morgan said, taking it out of his pocket again.

"My mom" Reid swallowed hard, "She died the other week. This was amongst her possessions" He explained.

"She died? Reid, why didn't you tell us?" Garcia gasped.

Reid shrugged. "Anyway, she wrote this shortly after I sent her to the home. But she never sent it" Reid reached for the letter and took it out of the envelope. "Its about how much she hated me, how much of a terrible son I was. And she was right" His voice shook, along with his hands.

"She didn't mean it, Spence. She was ill" JJ tried to assure him.

"Really? Did she not?" Reid shook his head, "Reading it just made me feel so..." He closed the letter again, "It brought back a lot of stuff, you know? Bad memories. Things I thought I had gotten over. I just lost it for a minute. I acted on impulse. It was stupid" He sighed.

"Reid, seriously. You're mother didn't mean any of what she said" Gideon smiled, "And this is coming from a member of the BAU. Trust me". If Reid trusted anyone, it was definitely Gideon. Reid nodded.

"Everythings going to be fine, kid" Morgan patted Reid's shoulder, and took a step back.

"We'll leave you to rest, alright? Call us any time you need us" Gideon closed the conversation.

"Thanks guys. You don't know how much this means to me. To have you all here like this, I mean" Reid choked back on a tear.

They all said their goodbyes, and left one by one. JJ was the last to leave. "Reid, are you sure that's all this is about?" She said, hand closed on the door knob.

"I'm sure, JJ. And I've already told you, don't blame yourself for what happened with Hankel" Reid smiled.

The light didn't manage to meet his sunken eyes, but it was a smile nonetheless. It was a smile that confirmed everything was going to be okay. In time.

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**Should I continue this? If so, how? Ideas please :)**


End file.
